Monday, May 12, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Loosing 63 pounds with womEn
A guy called a company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb.
weight loss programme.
The next day, there was a knock on the door and there
stood before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign
around her neck.
She introduced herself as a representative of the weight
loss company.
The sign read
"If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he took off after her. A few
miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gave up. The
same girl showed up for the next four days and the same thing
happened.
On the fifth day, he weighed himself and was delighted to
find he had lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He then called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound
programme.
The next day there was a knock at the door and there
stood the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he had ever
seen in his life.
She was wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign
around her neck that read
"If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he was out of the door after her like a shot. This
girl was in excellent shape and he did his best, but no such
luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happened with him
gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighed himself, he
discovered that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decided to go for broke and called the company to order
the 7-day/50 pound programme.
"Are you sure?" asked the representative on the phone.
"This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replied, "I haven't felt this good
in years."
The next day there was a knock at the door; and when he
opened it he found a huge muscular guy standing there
wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his
neck that read
"If I catch you, your ar5e is mine."
He lost 63 pounds that week.
----------------------------------------------:) CayoteLiVEs
weight loss programme.
The next day, there was a knock on the door and there
stood before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign
around her neck.
She introduced herself as a representative of the weight
loss company.
The sign read
"If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he took off after her. A few
miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gave up. The
same girl showed up for the next four days and the same thing
happened.
On the fifth day, he weighed himself and was delighted to
find he had lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He then called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound
programme.
The next day there was a knock at the door and there
stood the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he had ever
seen in his life.
She was wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign
around her neck that read
"If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he was out of the door after her like a shot. This
girl was in excellent shape and he did his best, but no such
luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happened with him
gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighed himself, he
discovered that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decided to go for broke and called the company to order
the 7-day/50 pound programme.
"Are you sure?" asked the representative on the phone.
"This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replied, "I haven't felt this good
in years."
The next day there was a knock at the door; and when he
opened it he found a huge muscular guy standing there
wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his
neck that read
"If I catch you, your ar5e is mine."
He lost 63 pounds that week.
----------------------------------------------:) CayoteLiVEs
Friday, May 9, 2008
US Marines Vs British Sea
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation
in October 1995,between a US Navy ship and the British authorities
off the north coast of Scotland.The transcript was released by the
MoD on the 10/10/96
BRITISH:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South. to avoid collision.
US NAVY:
Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid collision.
BRITISH:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision
US NAVY:
This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH:
Negative. I say again: divert your course.
US NAVY:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER 'USS LINCOLN', THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN
THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE
YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH:
We are a lighthouse. FUCK OFF!
in October 1995,between a US Navy ship and the British authorities
off the north coast of Scotland.The transcript was released by the
MoD on the 10/10/96
BRITISH:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South. to avoid collision.
US NAVY:
Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid collision.
BRITISH:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision
US NAVY:
This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH:
Negative. I say again: divert your course.
US NAVY:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER 'USS LINCOLN', THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN
THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE
YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH:
We are a lighthouse. FUCK OFF!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Great Inventors Meet
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcyle, Arthur Davidson, died
and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates, St Peter told Arthur,
" Since you have been such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you
want in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and said,
" I want to hang out with God "
St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognised Arthur and commented,
" Okay, so you were one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcyle ?"
Arthur said , "Yeah, that;s me ..."
God commented,
" Well, What's the big deal in inventing somehitng that pretty's
unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road ?"
Arthur was apparently embarssed, but finally spoke,
" Excuse me, but aren't you inventor of woman?"
God said, " Ah, yes. "
"Well. " said Arthur, " Professional to Professional, you have
some major flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in front-end protusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous !!!
" Hmmmmmmmmm, you may have some good points there, " replied God,
" Hold on " God went to his Celectial Supercomputer, typed in a few
good words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
" Well, it maybe be true my invention is flawed, " the Almighty
said to Arthur, " But according to these numbers, more men are
riding my invention than yours :) "
and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates, St Peter told Arthur,
" Since you have been such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you
want in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and said,
" I want to hang out with God "
St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognised Arthur and commented,
" Okay, so you were one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcyle ?"
Arthur said , "Yeah, that;s me ..."
God commented,
" Well, What's the big deal in inventing somehitng that pretty's
unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road ?"
Arthur was apparently embarssed, but finally spoke,
" Excuse me, but aren't you inventor of woman?"
God said, " Ah, yes. "
"Well. " said Arthur, " Professional to Professional, you have
some major flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in front-end protusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous !!!
" Hmmmmmmmmm, you may have some good points there, " replied God,
" Hold on " God went to his Celectial Supercomputer, typed in a few
good words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
" Well, it maybe be true my invention is flawed, " the Almighty
said to Arthur, " But according to these numbers, more men are
riding my invention than yours :) "
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Ahmed the Arab
Ahmed the Arab came to the Sydney from the Middle
East, and he was only here a few months when he
became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but
none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an
Arab doctor who said,' Take dees bocket, go into de
odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and
den put your head down over de bocket and breathe
in de fumes for ten minutes.' Ahmed took the bucket,
went into the other room, shit in the bucket,
pissed on the shit, bent over and breathed in the
fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor
he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong
with me?' The doctor said, 'You were homesick...
East, and he was only here a few months when he
became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but
none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an
Arab doctor who said,' Take dees bocket, go into de
odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and
den put your head down over de bocket and breathe
in de fumes for ten minutes.' Ahmed took the bucket,
went into the other room, shit in the bucket,
pissed on the shit, bent over and breathed in the
fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor
he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong
with me?' The doctor said, 'You were homesick...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)