Wednesday, January 21, 2015

English vs singlish

Who says our English is bad? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc

British English vs. S'porean English  

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons : I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans : No stock

RETURNING A CALL
Britons : Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans : Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons : Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans : S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons : Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me
S'poreans : No need lah

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans : (pointing at the door) Can walk through ah? / Can?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons : Please make yourself right at home
S'poreans : No need shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money
S'poreans : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons : I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind
S'poreans : Don't want lah

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons : Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue
S'poreans : You siao ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here
S'poreans : Shuddup lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
S'poreans : See what, see?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons : We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
S'poreans : Die liao la!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons : Will someone tell me what has just happened?
S'poreans : Why liddat ah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons : This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you
S'poreans : Liddat also don't know how to do!
 
Send this to your s'porean friends & let them have a laugh too. Good day!

S'poreans : Sent oredi mah!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Sachin 98

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting


A married man's prayer;
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away.
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now,
just reminding u......

: Prize winning message of the year :

Wife at night : Tell me how much did Sachin score in 2003 world cup against Pakistan?

Husband : 98, why u are asking ?

Wife : Now tell me why you didn't wish me for my birthday since morning ?

Silence...........……

Husband couldn't even say, I have a bad memory


This is called...
Check n mate...……

A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised
because his all answers were seemingly correct!Do you feel that he was wrongly penalized??
Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..
Ans.- In his Last Battle..
Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..
Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce?..
Ans.- Marriage..
Q.4- Ganga Flows in which State ?..
Ans.- Liquid State..
Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?.
Ans.- On His Birthday.
Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..
Ans.- By Mango Shake..!!
Q.7-where do maximum ice fall noticed in India...???..
Awesome Reply By Student:- .."In whiskey Glass."

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Wife Jump

() Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from room) Please come fast, I am having an argument with my wife & she says she will jump from your hotel window.

() Manager : Sir, I am sorry, but this is your personal Issue.
() Husband : Goyyala dei ! The window is not opening! This is a maintenance issue ..������

Friday

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Chef

Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
������

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.
