Saturday, May 30, 2009

Yo Zipper is Down - David Letterman's top ten list

David Letterman's Top Ten List

The Most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down:


10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....
I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

A Prayer for her Dad

Foreheads

A man came home from work and was met by his wife who informed him that the kitchen tap was leaking and should be fixed. The man said, as he pointed to his forehead, "Do you see PLUMMER written here?" The wife said she did not.
The next day the man was again met by his wife who informed him that the lamp in the front room did not work properly and should be fixed. The man said, as he pointed to his forehead (again) "Do you see ELECTRICIAN written here?" His wife said that she did not.
The next day the same man was met by his wife who informed him that the hall railing was in need of repair. Again the man pointed to his forehead and said, "Do you see CARPENTER written here?" The wife said she did not.
When the husband came home the next day, he was again met by his wife who informed him that she had been very lucky to get the tap, the light and the railing fixed by a friend of her husband. The husband grunted "HMPH and who was that?" She said, "Your friend Joe fixed everything for me."
The husband wanted to know what Joe had charged.
"Nothing", said the wife. "He said that I could bake him a cake or sleep with
him."
"Well", said the husband, "When are you going to bake him his cake?"
The wife then pointed to her forehead and said "Do you see BETTY CROCKER
written here?".

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Men's Perspective

Men's perspective. ..


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

DavidBissonette




After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sacha Guitry



By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates



Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anonymous



The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Dumas



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me

Sigmund Freud



"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Anonymous



"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

Sam Kinison



"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

James Holt McGavra




Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Nash



You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to

Anonymo



My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

Henny Youngman




A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield



A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.

Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive..

Anonymous

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009