While I was driving down the A40 the other day, (going a little faster than
I should have been)I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the
other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over,
walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk
asked: "Runway too short?"
To which I replied: "I'm late for work."
To which he asked: "What do you do?"
I responded: "I'm a rectum stretcher"
The copper was surprised and confused : "A rectum stretcher, and just what
does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to
two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side
to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch
the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously : "And just what do you
do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied : "You give him a radar gun and park him behind
Speeding ticket: £105.00
Penalty Points : 3
Court costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless.